The Vocation of Motherhood: a testimonial and reflection on discerning God’s will

My mom likes to remind me

Have you ever watched one of those crime or mystery dramas that feature the doctor performing an autopsy and reporting the post-mortem results to a detective or someone like that? My mom likes to remind me that that doctor – known as a forensic pathologist – was the one and only job I had envisioned myself doing ever since I was in my early teens.

From a young age, I’d been academically inclined and set a high standard for myself. I consistently worked very hard, showed a fierce determination, and persisted aggressively in reaching my goals. As I gained insight into what was required to make me a strong candidate for medical school, I realized reaching my goals required laser sharp focus and no room for distraction. While I never experienced a dilution of my faith, there were certainly many years during which it took a back seat. Amidst the academic accolades, advanced placement exams, extra-curricular activities, and summers packed with multiple research projects and volunteer placements, I became increasingly anxious, high strung, and demonstrated unhealthy perfectionist tendencies. This all ultimately manifested in an eating disorder which I battled for years.

I met my soon to be husband in my first week of medical school

I did get into medical school and at my most desired program. In fact, I met my soon to be husband in my first week of medical school. Fast forward a few years and I chose to pursue the same five-year residency program that my husband was currently going through and which would allow me to become a forensic pathologist. To that point, academically and professionally, things had seemingly been going my way. I had worked hard and the effort paid off; I was enjoying the fruits of my labor.

The birth of my son was a profoundly transformative

Just a couple of days before my graduation, and prior to starting residency, I gave birth to our firstborn. And right there and then, my life changed forever. The birth of my son was a profoundly transformative experience. Everything was different. We had a uniquely quiet and intimate time together on my maternity leave as he was born in the middle of covid lockdowns. This precious time also offered the opportunity for reflection. My identity had completely and forever shifted. No longer was the pursuit of individualistic goals or academic aspirations on my mind at all. My priority became this little person who was totally and completely dependent upon me. And not only was I responsible for nourishing his body and mind, but I was responsible for nourishing his soul. I had a new life mission, a beautiful and important responsibility. I was endeavoring to raise a saint.

It was during this time that I first felt called to take a long break from medicine, say goodbye to it all and be able to focus on my family. For another four years, including one spent on maternity leave with my daughter, I could not seem to heed that call. So much time, effort, and so much of my very self-had been poured into pursuing this singular goal.

Our residency program proved to be an unforgiving, challenging

Our residency program proved to be an unforgiving, challenging program, requiring a time and energy commitment better suited to someone with no personal life whatsoever. It was turning out to be more of a 24/7 commitment; my husband and I took turns staying at the hospital very late or leaving home early. To carry out the research expected of us, many residents took to coming in on the weekend. It was the type of life that I lived and was ok living when I was 20 and single, but it just wasn’t appropriate anymore in my late twenties, married with two small children. The chaos and busyness of that lifestyle took a significant toll on our family and the stress that came from the never-ending demands of our program fuelled the majority of our marital conflict. Life was very fast paced; there was no peace. I constantly felt guilty and inadequate, and we weren’t anywhere close to the quality of life or marriage that we had once imagined for ourselves. I felt as if I wasn’t the one actually raising my children and I realized that that would be a feeling I would have to make peace with if I were to continue pursuing my goals in medicine.

I came to appreciate the role of a mother as an anchor for a family

While time kept ticking on, I deeply desired to be there for my kids, for their firsts, their stories, their illnesses, for all of the little moments that make life with them beautiful. I wanted to be able to create a nurturing environment at home and to engage fully in the daily rhythms of family life. I came to appreciate the role of a mother as an anchor for a family and being a source of stability in her children’s lives. They can count on her to be there and not be suffocated by her professional concerns. Motherhood truly is a vocation. It is a sacred calling, a divine mission. Mothers cooperate with God in the creation and care of life. Mothers are instruments of God’s love in providing her children with the foundations of faith, compassion and virtue. And since it’s a vocation, it requires self-sacrifice, humility, and devotion. Motherhood is not meant to be easy. We are given a tremendous responsibility in working to get our children and our spouse to heaven.

Now, leaving medicine is a very unorthodox decision

Now, leaving medicine is a very unorthodox decision. Female role models in medicine are never those who have chosen to pursue something else entirely. This is not something that happens routinely. But I did it. About seven months ago. And, quite honestly, I have not looked back since. Well, that’s not entirely true. I do get a little nostalgic anytime I read in the news about a body being pulled out of Lake Ontario or a couple found dead in their home under suspicious circumstances.

In all seriousness, reaching this decision was a huge test in discerning God’s will for our lives and actually answering that call. God had been knocking on the door of my heart and it took four years for me to finally wake up and realize it was a knock that was supposed to be answered.

My advice for everyone here today is to have an open heart ready and willing to answer whatever God is calling you to do. Whether that’s trying for another baby, cutting down your hours at work to spend more time with your kids, or even starting a Catholic Mothers’ Group like I did in the midst of all this craziness, soften your heart, pray, and continue to ask yourself what God is asking of you. The journey may have more twists and turns than you expected, things may not go exactly according to plan, there may be tremendous sacrifice, but you will know in your heart when you are pursuing God’s will for your life.

As a side note, I really do have to give a shoutout to the fantastic moms I’ve met through the Catholic Moms Group we have been running at St Teresa’s parish, for the last two and a half years. They have been so supportive of me as I’ve navigated these transitions in work and motherhood, always offering a listening ear and sending prayers my way. Being a co-leader of a group featuring such lovely moms is honestly such a piece of cake even in the midst of all of the ups and downs of life. The ministry provides you with absolutely all of the resources, tools and ideas you could possibly need to run a group successfully and easily. The fact that everything is laid out so beautifully for us on an easy to navigate website really allows me as a leader to just focus on the outpouring of graces upon graces that seem to flow out of each and every one of our gatherings together. If anyone would like more details about how to start a mothers’ group today, I’m happy to chat today. Thank you for listening to my testimonial today and God bless.

Alexandra Zyla